"Jabbar, supaya dekat dengan Allah; Ali, dekat dengan Rasulullah; Panggabean, dekat dengan keluarga."

..did he make that up or was that the real meaning of his name given by his family? Either way, it is a very thoughtful name.

"Kalau nama adek artinya apa?"

...

This was my first memory involving him. It was during the freshman year at Ilkomp-USU, and there was this tradition that we were to get to know our seniors by introducing ourselves to each one of them. When it's his turn, he, like many others, might wonder what my name means, but he was the only one who led by example and explained his first.

I actually don't remember much about our university life, but I do remember bro always working on a project, being in community, participating in a competition, or all three combined—such a passionate young man. And bro would sometimes ask me to be in his team. Me, on the other hand, was in my I-Will-Try-Everything-That-I-Didn't-Get-To-Do-In-My-HighSchool-Era mode, would gladly join him in whatever it was he's working on.

It wasn’t even that many projects that we were in together (along with the others on our team ofc), but I already learned a lot.. also felt a little bit overwhelmed. I needed to get myself together, so I distanced myself from bro and his team, no longer joining him on his projects. This resulted in us having nothing more to talk or discuss about for a very—very long period of time.

Until one day, circumstances made us meet again, in a serene ambience of breakfast time with our group of friends. This unexpected meeting, in a way, brought us to where we are today.

If you ask me tho, between that unexpected meeting and today, it sure feels like being on a rollercoaster—everything moves so fast, with twists, turns, and emotional highs and lows. But despite the whirlwind of it all, I find myself enjoying every moment of the ride.

One of the emotional lows that I experienced however, was when it suddenly occurred to me that all I knew about bro was the past-him not the now-him (if that makes any sense at all?). Like, of course bro was (and is) a gentleman since day one, a good person personality-wise, have an excellent understanding of his deen, is great at his job and all that, but the now bro? I have no idea at all.

Is there perhaps any lingering feeling from his past (if any) relationship? Whether he might have expectations of his future wife that I might not be able to fulfill? How is he amongst children? Has he got any newly-found bad temper? etcetera etcetera~

On a whim, I decided to explore his blog. As a reader at heart, the thought of writers and their writings often lights up my prefrontal cortex. So, it's a rather good thing knowing that bro actually does enjoy writing and is pretty good at it! Bro would put random things, reflections and lessons learned in his blog. And reading through them was like getting a sneak peek on what's going on in his mind, and it's a rather fun experience for me personally.

Also, some of my concerns and worries were addressed during our talk, and many of my other questions were answered in his CV already. I’m impressed overall, and all of this reassures me that bro has the wisdom and qualities that makes for an incredible, reliable partner for life.

<3

PS: In truth, these are just reasons I use to justify my inclination towards him, when actually it's all by Allah's guidance. This all can't be happening if not by His permission. I'm simply here, basking in His blessings and mercy, and trying my best for everything—including deciding for someone to put my utmost respect and love for the rest of my life.

PS pt. 2: The decision was made the moment bro agreed to my plan of attending BTS concert in 2026 (it's a non-negotiable, by the way). When I asked if I'm still allowed to go, bro luckily said yes and even offered to join me??! Yep. That's it. Bro passed the test. It's a solid plan—I’ll need a shield to navigate through the sea of ARMYs and make it to the barricade.

Then, 잘부탁드립니다, 찐 남편님 🫡

Sebagai orang yang ngaku gamer, aku sebenernya gak gamer-gamer amat. Waktu kecil, game yang paling sering aku mainin itu cuman 2, PES kalo lagi main bareng Ayah, dan Harvest Moon BTN kalo lagi main sendirian. FYI, Harvest Moon BTN adalah game simulai kehidupan dimana kalian harus bekerja, bersosial, dan menikah. Aku ingat betul, tahun 2004, dua puluh tahun yang lalu, untuk pertama kalinya aku 'menamatkan' game Harvest Moon BTN ini. Ya, waktu usiaku masih 10, aku sudah menikah wkwk.

10 tahun berselang, aku masih sering memainkan ulang game ini, dan ketika tiba saatnya menikah, aku selalu memilih gadis yang sama. Gadis penjaga perpustakaan, cerdas, penyuka buku, lucu imut dan berkacamata. Waktu itu tahun 2014, ketika aku memasuki tahun kedua perkuliahanku, setelah sepuluh tahun lamanya, takdir membawaku bertemu dengannnya, gadis lucu imut penyuka buku berkacamata itu.

Hari-hari berlalu, engga banyak interaksi yang terjadi di antara kami. Aku adalah senior yang sibuk, dan dia adalah junior yang pendiam(?). Sampai akhirnya, di penghujung semester di tahun yang sama, setelah mengkaji berbagai strategi terbaik, aku mengambil langkah pertama:

Dan singkat cerita, strategi ini sebenernya gak bisa dibilang berhasil, gak bisa dibilang gagal juga. Meski kami menjadi dekat dan sampai pernah ikut lomba ke Pulau Jawa, tapi di luar itu gak banyak prestasi lain (as a team) yang kami torehkan wkwk. Bahkan, setelahnya, kami bubaran, aku dan Meila makin jarang komunikasi. Dan setelah aku lulus kuliah, komunikasi kami benar-benar hampir terputus kalau gak mau dibilang putus sama sekali.

Tapi meski begitu, sejujurnya dari awal aku ngajak Meila ikut lomba bukan semata-mata ingin kenal lebih dekat doang, tapi aku ngerasa Meila itu punya potensi. Ia cerdas, tapi pemalu or mungkin gak tau harus mulai dari mana. Dan benar, secara pribadi, ia mampu menorehkan banyak prestasi: Asisten Laboratorium, Penerima Beasiswa XLFL, Mahasiswi Berprestasi, dst. Dan meski dia gak tau, aku adalah orang asing yang selalu bahagia saat melihatnya bahagia.

Kalau kalian penasaran kenapa komunikasi kami jadi kurang baik, satu hal yang aku tahu: "Meila itu ilfeel kali samaku" wkwk.

Tahun-tahun berlalu, aku move on. Aku sempat mencoba menemukan pasangan hidup yang lain. Ta'aruf, titip proposal ke Ustadz, cari sendiri, dikenalin temen, dikenalin saudara, bahkan pernah diajak nikah via WhatsApp T^T. Tapi semuanya gak ada berhasil, ada aja gitu halangannya. Mungkin do'anya Meila terlalu kenceng wkwk :'v

Sampai di suatu sore tahun 2024, ada seorang sahabat yang minta ditemenin karena istrinya mau ngumpul bareng temen-temennya, dan dia laki-laki sendirian. Aku pun mengiyakan ajakan itu, tanpa tau siapa temen-temen istrinya yang dimaksud. Mungkin saja, kalau aku tau sejak awal Meila ada di sana, aku mungkin akan menolak. Khawatir kalau-kalau mood-nya Meila jadi rusak karena ketemu denganku.

Tapi Allah punya rencana-Nya sendiri. Hari itu, saat ku kira aku sudah move on, dengan tembok move on yang ku kira sudah kubangun dengan tinggi dan kokoh, hancur berkeping-keping saat ku lihat senyum manisnya. Hari itu, aku tau kalau selama ini Meila tidak benci kepadaku dan ia tidak bad-mood sama sekali.

Maka, satu bulan lebih berselang, kami bertemu lagi sebanyak 2 kali. Pertama, saling bertukar kabar bahwa kami sama-sama jomblo. Lalu kedua, 5 hari kemudian, aku meminta izin untuk silaturrahim ke rumahnya bersama Ibuku.

And the rest is just me and her trying to upgrade ourselves to be better for each other. Me and her, aligning our intentions to marry for the sake of Allah, so that Allah will always protect us and grant us sakinah, mawaddah, and rahmah in our marriage. Aamiiiin.

そして、これからもずっとよろしくお願いします、愛しい妻よ 🫶

FunFact #1: Waktu kuliah dulu, hampir satu Program Studi tau kayaknya kalo aku suka sama Meila, wkwk hazukashiii >///<
(untung sekarang jadi calon istri)

FunFact #2: Di cerita Harvest Moon BTN, gadis yang dia (mc) nikahi itu ternyata teman masa kecilnya dulu yang udah bertahun-tahun gak komunikasi lagi. Hampir sama kayak ceritaku haha. Bahkan, selain plot character-nya yang sangat mirip, namanya juga sama-sama berinisial M.